How romance scams work: using dating apps to build trust and steal money

If you’ve watched The Tinder Swindler on Netflix, you know how convincing romance scammers can be—manipulating emotions and building elaborate false identities to win victims’ trust.

Romance scams are often part of a larger scheme, with criminals using unsuspecting partners as targets and unwitting accomplices to launder money stolen from other scams.

Fraudsters create convincing fake personas to manipulate victims over weeks, months, or even years, eventually coaxing them into helping by transferring funds into criminally controlled accounts.

This blog features an example of romance fraud shared by Tony Sales, CIO at We Fight Fraud, Author, and a former fraudster. This anonymised story, based on real-life events, illustrates how convincing romance scams can be—and how they are used as part of a wider fraud scheme, enabling criminals to move stolen money around the financial system.

The following scam is taken from our e-book Inside the Scam: How APP Fraud Fits into the Fraudsters’ Playbook.

Romance scam example

Step 1: Operating fake profiles on dating sites

Criminals begin by creating fake profiles on popular dating platforms, using photos and backstories crafted to appear genuine and trustworthy. They often choose profile photos that convey affluence and reliability.

“They set up profiles that looked genuine, using stolen pictures and detailed backstories. There’s an American guy who’s had his pictures used hundreds of times, unknowingly, because he looks trustworthy and affluent.” — Tony Sales, CIO at We Fight Fraud.

Step 2: Emotional manipulation

With a good first impression established, scammers build deep emotional connections with victims, particularly targeting lonely or vulnerable people. Over weeks and months, these criminals create a believable relationship, drawing victims into a false sense of security.

“Once a connection has been made, criminals will chat to these people for weeks, sometimes months, making them feel like they are in a real relationship.” — Tony Sales.

Step 3: “Can I ask a quick favour?”

The criminals create an entire world for their victims. For example, victims will get regular WhatsApp messages from their ‘partner’ and calls throughout the week, so that there’s absolutely no suspicion that who she’s chatting to is actually a criminal.

Eventually, the criminals bring in a story of distress or financial need to manipulate victims into helping out their ‘partner’ and move stolen money through her bank account.

Because of the trust that’s been built up, plus the fact that the criminal isn’t asking for money, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. The pair laugh over the phone about this, before the victim agrees to send the money to the fake builder on behalf of the criminal.

Criminal: *“You know I told you I was paying my builder today for the extension? Well, I’ve done something really stupid. You’ll never guess what, I’ve accidentally sent it to you!

Forward on the money for me would you? I can’t believe this! The builder’s going mad at me. I’ll text you the account details now. Send £16,234 to the builder’s account. And keep £500 for yourself for the hassle.”*

What seems like a simple gesture is actually a well-hidden scam. Money has been laundered through a legitimate bank account, and the victim has shown that they are willing to help — which could easily lead to further attempts to defraud the victim, who thinks they are helping out a romantic partner.

To learn how banks and fintechs can protect against romance scams, marketplace scams and bank impersonation scams, read our e-book Inside the Scam: How APP Fraud Fits into the Fraudsters’ Playbook.